Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Sex and the Cafeteria



A tasteless metaphor:

In the Junior High Cafeteria of Life, there are tables of sexual philosophy. Imagine, if you will, that you are a Sensual Prude - the new kid, scanning furtively for potential friends. Palms sweaty, limbs in an awkward dangle, pants developing holes in un-hip places…you know this story. All philosophies have stood here, in this puddle of pubescence, at one time in their theoretical lives.

To your right there is the Sex is for Making Babies table. They are eager for you to join them. It’s nice to be wanted, but they are weirdly secretive and ashamed of what is in their lunch bags. You move on.

To your left is there is a gaggle of Poly Sex Enthusiasts. While they are clearly way more fun and share their lunches quite generously, the drama grows old quickly. Honestly, these guys can sometimes give you the heebie-jeebies. among other things.

In the middle sit the Default Monogamists. You usually sit with them, and listen uncomfortably to their scores on People Magazine quiz after quiz. Their parents packed their lunch for them.

What we need is a table of our own. It would be demanding, yes. Long-winded,yes. Self-righteous, oh yes. But it would be deliberate, it would be loyal, and whatever it is that comes out of the lunch bag, you can bet we will enjoy the hell out of it.

We need a table of our own. For now, we will settle for a blog.

4 Comments:

Blogger Ramblin' Rabbit said...

erm, yes, hello, may I join your table? Surely we will soon have discussion to make the others envious. :)

8:42 AM  
Blogger Afua Asomdwie said...

Thank you for setting the table and creating a space for all of us to eat the delicious AND healthy food that we crave, among friends that are supportive of this radical journey.
Bon Appetite!

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Shouting Kraut said...

"Hey, guys. Did you hear about the fight after school? Bart Key is gonna kick Travis Howard's ass 'cause last Friday, at the football game, Travis said he could kick Bart's ass and Bart was like, 'Let's find out. Tuesday. After school. At the Dairy Queen.' It's gonna be a Battle Royale. The Fight of the Frickin' Schoolyear. Or like, Of The Millenium, maybe. I heard that Bart knows jujitsu, too. Man, if I was Travis I'd be frickin' freakin' the frick out...uh, by this table's awkward silence and furrowed brows I can now tell that I'm clearly talking to the wrong people about the Fight Of The Millenium. Sorry about that...uh, could you direct me to the "Stimulation By Proxy" table?

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Katja said...

Let me just say that you are brilliant and I love this metaphor.

7:51 AM  

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