Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Sisterhood of Slut and Prude



Well now, we have begun scratching out our boundaries to the right as radical mono gamists, it is time we define our boundaries to the left with our fellow members of the sex positivist community.

For clarity, I am going to start by comparing the popular Philosophy of The Ethical Slut as carefully and artfully layed out by Dosse Eaton in her bestselling book, against the Philosphy of the Sensual Prude, as invented by me this week in my pajamas. I would like to give a shout out to my own arrogence for this daring comparison, with the knowledege that the blog is the perfect medium for walking that delicate line between self-celebration and self-importance. Shall we proceed?

I think that comparisons are best made in the author's own words, so I have selected a few tasty quotes that show off thier sassy philosophy, and give me something to push against. Siblings often define themselves in contrast to each other, so these comparisons must not be mistaken for lack of repect and love.

(Note: these quotes are all taken from the book The Ethical Slut by Dosse Eaton. The citations are incomplete, due to several obsticals, one being laziness and another the aforementioned pajama factor. They will be posted in good time. Meanwhile please refrain from sueing Metapede or her pajamas.)

The Ethical Slut says in a sultry tone:

_ “So we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.”

The Sensual Prude answers coyly:

Our task is to also reclaim the word “prude” in the same fashion. Our radical proposition is that sex is sacred and unshameful, pleasure with integrity is good for you, and your thoughtful boundaries are something to be proud of and respected.


The Ethical Slut reasons huskily:

_ “We believe that it is fundamentally a radical political act to deprivatize sex. So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?”

The Sensual Prude pursuades ardent and breathless:

Yum, what a delicious quote for illustrating where the Ethical Slut and the Sensual Prude agree, and where they begin to diverge. It would be nearly impossible to have come through any subgroup of our culture without a bulky chunk of shame on your shoulder. Both sluts and prudes know that their personal shame is an enemy to their relationships. Both know that their partners’ shame is an enemy to their relationships. Both believe working through that shame is essential to a thoughtful, deliberate, and delightful life as a sexual being.

The last line in the quote is generally where things begin to diverge. The sex positivist movement in recent history has played an amazing role in freeing our ability to make choices around our relationships. The “It’s just sex” mantra is a light and playful contradiction to the burden of guilt, secrecy, and fear that has accumulated like grout all over our culture’s perception of sexuality. We owe a lot to the sex positivists - they took more than one for the team, so to speak. However, the Sensual Prude would does not wish to stop there.

The Sensual Prude would like to return sex to its sacred context. For himself, he does not wish to have “just sex.” She is looking for sex in it’s other role, that of building an intimate connection with a chosen partner on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Once free of the guilt, secrecy, and fear, he would like sex to have meaning again.

Hmmmm...I think this is a juicy enough comparison to warrant multiple postings, so
I will stop here. As always, the point of this sensual blog is to generate conversation about mindful sexuality. Tell me what you think!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really love this: "For himself, he does not wish to have “just sex.” She is looking for sex in it’s other role, that of building an intimate connection with a chosen partner on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Once free of the guilt, secrecy, and fear, he would like sex to have meaning again." I'm breathing a sigh of relief. I'm not pathetic for not wanting "just sex" - I'm more of a prude than I thought :)

12:34 AM  

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